Recently one of my sweet sorority sisters has been sharing the terrors of online dating via her IG story. While it is entertaining and her commentary is the best I can’t help thinking how online dating is such a joke. Yes, I know people find their true loves this way, but this takes a lot of time and energy to do so.
I know we laugh at the Bachelor franchise when the comments of he/she is not here for the right reasons, but most on the dating apps are in that same group.
Then when you do find someone online or anywhere for that matter, who seems like a normal person and could have potential you have to overcome baggage.
Baggage can come in many forms. Mine is the divorce and feeling like I failed at marriage/ relationship.
Getting back in the dating world I’ve been so reserved in showing who I truly am for fear that I will run others off. I have over analyzed every interaction hoping I didn’t come across a certain way.
My fear has created insecurities that I have not had before and ones I thought I had overcome. Sharing my thoughts and feelings has not come easy.
Some baggage is so heavy that the person is jaded. When you become jaded the likelihood that you are ready for a relationship is slim regardless of what you say. Mindset is key here as the person needs to let go of past anger and heartbreak to allow others in. Assuming everyone is going to hurt you is not fair and shows how emotionally unavailable you are.
In relationships you take on some of your significant other’s baggage. Taking on baggage does not mean you have to let it weigh you down. One can be supportive and understanding without taking on all the stress, it’s all about mindset and boundaries.
To my friends out there balancing the dating world and those in a relationship I have a few thoughts based on my experiences.
1. Accept the impact of past relationships, but do not dwell. Take the lessons and grow from the experience.
2. Know change is constant and you need self reflection. You need self reflection to be the best you can be for yourself and your partner.
3. Set your boundaries and communicate them. Setting expectations on how you can be supportive, areas that are challenging for you as well as several other aspects will help prevent frustration.
Good luck and keep discovering who you are. Find someone who pushes you to be the best you can be and will be there to catch you when you fall.
Photo Credit: Rachel