Relationships

Rejection or Protection

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Rejection…yes it is redirection and God’s protection, but frankly that does not help change the hurt.

The thing about rejection is we tend to make it all about ourselves and not in a healthy way. We can get ourselves to a place of low self esteem and worthiness to full on self hate.

I am currently struggling through a rejection season in practically all aspects of my life . I caught myself in the negative feedback loops of what if’s and if I only was more x,y,z then things would be different. I was starting to fall into a victim/pitiful mindset.

You can internalize and make the rejection about you by choosing to be better , not bitter. Choosing to see it as protection, redirection and the following these steps:

  1. Be accountable for your actions or lack of
  2. Look for the lessons from the experience
  3. Express gratitude for the experience- do so in a journal, letter or to the person
  4. Do not compare yourself to others, comparison is the thief of joy
  5. Take care of your body- eat healthy, sleep and get movement in
  6. Take care of your mind- affirmations, devotions/prayers , read
  7. Do things that make you feel confident and empowered
  8. Lean on those who lift you up
  9. Avoid romanticizing the relationship/ job / friendship that ended (delicate balance when looking for the lessons and giving gratitude)
  10. Most importantly give yourself grace as you process through the emotions

Do you have any other tips?

XOXO,

Cecee

*Advice based off of personal experiences and knowledge gained from a variety of books.

A Decade of Love, Loss and Lessons

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This decade has been filled with change, pain, joy and so much growth.

In this decade I graduated from college, moved 8 times, bought and sold my first home, married and divorced, got my fur baby, a few job changes, started my blog and Mary Kay business, lots of travel, many new friendships and said goodbye to some loved ones.

Several things didn’t turn out like I had planned, yet some turned out better than imagined . The good and the bad are all part of God’s plan.

Highlights from this past decade:

Several beautiful weddings and celebrations filled with love!

Love and marriage led to lots of precious babies… seriously my friends make some cute kids!

Moved 8 times Terre Haute -French Lick- Medina- Richmond-Indy apartment- First Home in Indy- Fishers- Nashville

I played hostess with the mostest

I was a jet setter to 3 countries and 29 states! Total state count is 33 with the goal of 50 by 50.

Blessed with inspiring, strong, loving and supportive women #squad

Lessons – graduation to real world, dog mom, exploring new cities, golfing, fishing with an open face reel, fitness, overcoming obstacles, welcoming new experiences, and being grateful for every moment with my loved ones.

Began my Mary Kay business and started to regain my confidence

Overall top 3 lessons:

  1. Put it in God’s hands
  2. Show grace, gratitude and kindness towards yourself and others
  3. BOUNDARIES

Cheers to the decade that shaped me.

I’m looking forward to a bright future full of love , grace and gratitude!

Happy New Year!

XOXO,

Cecee

Dating…it’s so silly

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Recently one of my sweet sorority sisters has been sharing the terrors of online dating via her IG story. While it is entertaining and her commentary is the best I can’t help thinking how online dating is such a joke. Yes, I know people find their true loves this way, but this takes a lot of time and energy to do so.

I know we laugh at the Bachelor franchise when the comments of he/she is not here for the right reasons, but most on the dating apps are in that same group.

Then when you do find someone online or anywhere for that matter, who seems like a normal person and could have potential you have to overcome baggage.

Baggage can come in many forms. Mine is the divorce and feeling like I failed at marriage/ relationship.

Getting back in the dating world I’ve been so reserved in showing who I truly am for fear that I will run others off. I have over analyzed every interaction hoping I didn’t come across a certain way.

My fear has created insecurities that I have not had before and ones I thought I had overcome. Sharing my thoughts and feelings has not come easy.

Some baggage is so heavy that the person is jaded. When you become jaded the likelihood that you are ready for a relationship is slim regardless of what you say. Mindset is key here as the person needs to let go of past anger and heartbreak to allow others in. Assuming everyone is going to hurt you is not fair and shows how emotionally unavailable you are.

In relationships you take on some of your significant other’s baggage. Taking on baggage does not mean you have to let it weigh you down. One can be supportive and understanding without taking on all the stress, it’s all about mindset and boundaries.

To my friends out there balancing the dating world and those in a relationship I have a few thoughts based on my experiences.

1. Accept the impact of past relationships, but do not dwell. Take the lessons and grow from the experience.

2. Know change is constant and you need self reflection. You need self reflection to be the best you can be for yourself and your partner.

3. Set your boundaries and communicate them. Setting expectations on how you can be supportive, areas that are challenging for you as well as several other aspects will help prevent frustration.

Good luck and keep discovering who you are. Find someone who pushes you to be the best you can be and will be there to catch you when you fall.

XOXO,

Cecee

Photo Credit: Rachel

Stranger Danger 

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At what point are you no longer strangers? In talking to several friends who are either in the online dating world or have met their significant other online it is always interesting to hear how they have handled initial interactions with people.

Some have shared they have a rule of thumb of chatting for 2 weeks via apps, text, phone calls or FaceTime before meeting the person and based on the interaction will allow to their home.

I am a person who has watched entirely too many episodes of Criminal Minds and Law and Order SVU. Trusting a stranger to pick me up at my house, specifically just knowing where I lived was not ok with me. Anytime I would go on a first date I would only meet at a public space.

In addition to meeting at a public space I was overly cautious and sending certain friends a photo of the guy I was meeting, facts I knew about him and sharing my location on my iPhone with them. I would let them know when I would arrive and give them a time to check in on me if they haven’t heard from me. I know to some this may seem over the top cautious, but I would much rather be safe.

I would only trust a person to my home if I had multiple interactions and felt safe or if I had mutual friends with the person. Sadly some interactions in public were creepy.  I was even  worried for them to see my car. I may have been over the top about dating safety, but too many people are not cautious enough.

Dating can be a lot of fun, but remember to be mindful of safety and trust your gut!

XOXO,

Cecee

 

Oh Cecilia 

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You’re breaking my heart you’re shaking my confidence daily…

Great song that I often hear and the words “shaking my confidence daily” stand out. I know what I’m about to discuss has nothing to do with what the song is actually about, but it’s so fitting.

This week we celebrated International Women’s Day. My social media was flooded with positive love for fellow women while my personal inbox was attacked. This had me reflect on all the times that by simply being me, I had shaken someone’s confidence.

In high school, there is always drama. For some, that dramatic mindset never goes away. Most of the high school drama is petty and based on feelings due to poor communication, disrespect and misguided finger pointing, or possibly hormones 🤷🏼‍♀️.

As we become adults we learn to respect others from differing backgrounds and mindsets creating the opportunity to grow and learn. Sadly some are not so accepting and you can easily shake their confidence.

Then there are times in your career when based on your age and tenure with a company “you are not supposed to have that position yet, you didn’t slowly move up the ranks”.

I am Cecilia. My own confidence has shaken the confidence of others, both male and female.

I often reflect on the experiences that have shaped me and the tough, negative experiences have made me strong, resilient and overly ambitious. Those tough moments and feelings I do not wish on anyone.

The moments of love, respect , compassion and support shaped me as well and frankly those moments are the most cherished.

Showing respect and compassion while someone is yelling at you and calling you horrible names is beyond difficult, and yes, sometimes I’ve failed and snapped back. Taking the high road can be a challenge, but will provide you more peace than fighting back. I have continuously learned you cannot rationalize with the irrational, no matter the effort you put in.

Having a positive mindset, staying calm in difficult situations and not letting someone shake your confidence is hard. Regardless of the situation you find yourself in, the only thing you can control is how you react.

Life is tough and everyone has their challenges, but showing respect and compassion can make a big difference. The difference may not be how the other person handles the situation, but may just provide peace for yourself knowing you were the bigger person.

XOXO,

Cecee

 

Dating Game

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I am sure by now you have heard the term ghosting, but do you know about breadcrumbing, cushioning, and love bombing?

I first learned of these terms when I saw this article 5 Signs That He’s Just Not That Into You . I feel like the actions have always been around and now with online dating the terms are just being changed or some actually defined. For example, breadcrumbing I would say is leading someone on and cushioning is having someone on the back burner. I have no experience with love bombing, so you can read the description on it in the link above.

In my short time back in the dating game I had said I didn’t want to intentionally ghost anyone as I felt it is disrespectful. Sadly I now realize that I didn’t ghost, but I did do some breadcrumbing. I was guilty of replying and never fully committing to any plans as it was easier to leave the door open. Breadcrumbing can also lead to cushioning in having the foot in the door until someone better comes along or in case the current person is no longer a fit.

The world of swiping makes both breadcrumbing and cushioning easy to do since there are so many options. Dating Apps are exhausting and time consuming.  I got to the point of having a note typed up with typical bio info, fun facts and standard questions that I could copy and paste into messages.  I did this to be efficient as I don’t like duplicate work and I am terrible at remembering who I tell what to. Ask my friends and family, they get stories on repeat as I can’t remember if I told them or not. This tactic is efficient, but not personal nor fair.

In dating it is so easy to get your hopes up and overanalyze every conversation and situation. Over Analyzing will drive you crazy and most likely make you insecure, I know the impact. The important thing to remember is to take someone at face value vs trying to read between the lines. Every personality is different and some are harder to read than others, which is why reading the person shouldn’t be occurring.  If you feel safe around the person and you enjoy each others company over time the key qualities will reveal themselves.  These characteristics will determine if there is a level of comfort that exist or can develop with that person. To determine comfort both people have to be themselves versus the perception they want to present.

Fully opening up and being yourself in front of a stranger is scary since you have to be so vulnerable. The dating game struggle is deciding at what point is it safe to show those vulnerabilities to fully get to know someone and let them know you? If someone wants to spend time with you they will make an effort to plan time together and if they want to get to know you they will ask questions along with sharing aspects of their life.

Dating is hard, fun and scary all at the same time. We date to meet new people and hopefully find a partner in life, at least that should be the ultimate goal. Those out there trying to date please know that ghosting is disrespectful and breadcrumbing/ cushioning can be very hurtful. I understand how it can happen so easily as I have done the same thing, but transparency goes a long way! I’ve taken a hiatus from the dating app game, but going forward will be aware and not play the games mentioned above.

Date respectfully!

XOXO,

Cecee

From We to Me to Swiping

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Since tomorrow is Valentine’s Day I thought sharing about the crazy dating world was fitting. So dating apps… Tinder, Bumble, Hinge etc did not exist the last time I was single,  practically 7years ago 😳 . Dating apps have changed the dating game and it is mind-boggling!

I know there are people out there who have found their soulmates on these types of apps, but based on my experiences so far those people must be so patient.

If you ever had those thoughts of wondering what you missed out on with the dating apps or you are looking to live through your single friends, here are a few stories as to why it is mind-boggling!

The moves of guys on these apps are in extremes of unsolicited dick pics to let’s be exclusive after a week of texting ! Seriously why do you need to respond with a dick pic and the message “think you can handle it” to my question hi! How are you? Oh so you’re literally just a dick haha. 🙈

I do appreciate the ones that respond to the hi! How are you question with “look I’m just here to hook up so if you aren’t into that go ahead and unmatch”. Done, unmatched! I definitely did not indicate DTF on my profile anywhere.

I’m not looking to jump into my next relationship either! One guy after a week of texting and 1 meeting wanted to be exclusive and only invest in me if I could commit on the spot to seeing it working long term.  You do not know someone enough in a week to decide, it takes time! For me to decide I want to see someone more than just a first date is surprising and rare in this swiping world.

Another guy expected responses immediately and if no reply within the hour would send multiple question marks or say Cecee,  hello? … This is a recipe to be unmatched quickly.

Hiding behind these apps people tend to be more bold and interesting than they are in person. You can carefully orchestrate a response when behind a screen, but the truth of being compatible is in the face to face interactions.

I did have one date that after meeting him I quickly had bad vibes and feel like he would easily take advantage of someone. This is why dating safety and public spaces is key. I will have another blog post about dating safety.

I know you have heard the term of ghosting, but more common problems I have faced are breadcrumbing and cushioning.  This topic deserves its own blog post, which will follow.

I have been told about the dating game and friends have tried to give me advice on how to play the game. The truth of the matter is I hate that it is a game and I tend to live by my own rules. The hardest part about dating is blocking out the noise, listening to yourself and being vulnerable.

I will enjoy Valenwine with a Galentine tomorrow and wishing everyone else a Happy Valentine’s Day!

XOXO,

Cecee

Well… 2017 was interesting

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Looking back on 2017 I have a variety of happy and not so happy memories. This year for me has been a year of struggle. I know that I have created some happy memories this year, but overall 2017 was painful. Through struggle one will grow.  I know the many lessons and the pain is for a reason, but only time will tell what that reason is.

The  highlights of 2017 are as follows:

Celebrating my 29th birthday with a group of friends on a brew bus! Since it was my last 20’s birthday I wanted to do it up big and Mike so graciously planned it so that I could.

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Valentine’s Galentine at Cake Bake Shop

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Celebrating St. Patrick’s Day with Stacy

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Mike and I traveled back to RVA for Parnie’s baby shower and visited other friends as well as hosted my family for Easter.

Easter has always been one of my favorite holidays to host. This year Easter was heartbreaking and eye opening, which you would never know with these smiles.

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May in Indianapolis is all about preparing for the fun of the Indy 500.  Memorial Day weekend is full of parties and gathering with friends! Can you tell in this picture of Mike and I that we were on a break and that day was the first day interacting in a week?

June kicked off summer with festivals, a wedding, and lots of golf. Can you tell that we actually want different futures?

July, the summer fun continues with more festivals, pool parties, and traveling. Mike and I were in the process of evaluating the future of our relationship.

Then August arrived, and with all the fun activities that occurred you would never know my future as I saw it was shattered. Literally the day before this pool party we accepted that divorce was our future. We agreed we would continue with upcoming plans that were set before announcing.

I spent most of August in bed crying or trying not to cry while living a lie, but I looked so happy.

September I finally started to feel a little relief as we slowly started to face reality and let people know. We waited to tell my family until one more fun Labor Day pool party and after that I finally told my parents. I’m really close to my family. That time was horrible to suffer alone and I felt horrible to keep a life changing event from them, but I respected our agreement to wait on announcing.

This was the last photo of our little family and during this photo our family was already living separate lives. There is always more than meets the eye, but my eyes here show the impacts of many tears during previous weeks.

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Once we started to let people know I started to occupy my time more with my friends. September was fun with friends! I did a fall craft and facial night, traveled a lot for work, celebrated the taping of Bier Brewery’s pumpkin ale, enjoyed the Indianapolis Children’s Museum for the first time, celebrated Elizabeth’s 30th , explored my hometown with a friend and enjoyed the last of summer either at my pool or on the golf course.

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I knew in October I would need to do something outside my norm as taking over the mortgage and filing all the paperwork for divorce was overwhelmingly emotional. I planned a trip with my friend Kate to New England area. Read more about that trip on my blog post Who’s That Girl.

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November was eye-opening of what being a solo homeowner entails.  Funny how when your partner is no longer there you realize the help they provided. Cleaning up all the leaves and the assistance provided in hosting was missed, but other friends stepped up or I hired people to help.  November also consisted of Pippa having more play dates with Scout, hosting Friendsgiving and I continued the tradition of helping my dad get firewood in for the winter.

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December is full swing holiday season. I usually get really excited to decorate for Christmas the Saturday after Thanksgiving. This year my cousin had to push me along to take down my fall decor and put up some Christmas decor. I never put up my outside lights and this year only 1 tree out of my traditional 3 made it up. Getting in the Christmas spirit was a challenge and never fully happened.

As more and more family found out and I know their words and hugs were all full of love and support, I couldn’t help feeling like a wounded animal that everyone felt sorry for. I did greatly appreciate all the invites during the season from my family and friends to help me stay distracted. I know over time the holidays alone will probably get easier, but this year Single All the Way was not fun. Here is a recap of some fun in December.

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As I have shared, social media can be very false as people typically only share the happy moments. Once I told people about the divorce I heard often that you looked so happy on social media and they had no idea we were struggling. Everyone has a battle that they do not highlight. Their life may appear perfect via social media, but there is always more than meets the eye.

I have mourned the death of my marriage and my dream for my future. The new year of 2018 was supposed to be going on a grand vacation to Australia and New Zealand as well as a cruise with friends to celebrate our 30th birthdays then trying to start a family. Clearly different plans for my future as life didn’t go as I planned. My plan was flawed and changed for a reason.

I do not know what to expect of 2018 and the year of my 30th birthday, but I do know I am ready to kiss 2017 goodbye!

Goodbye 2017 and Mrs. Fisher, hello again Cecee Emmons… time to be selfish!

XOXO,

Cecee