Where the hell is the carousel?

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I feel like the last 2 years of my life I have been on a roller coaster and I’m desperately seeking a carousel.

It’s funny that I’m trying to find some consistency in life to cling to, but the only constant is change.

I have had a ton of change with divorce, selling my house , the ups and downs of dating, changes at work and several other challenges. Life keeps hitting me with more twist and turns.

I know that I would quickly be bored on a carousel of consistency in all aspects of life, but there are some areas I feel I need it. I’m realizing the carousel I need is knowing myself and what I can expect from how I treat myself and how I allow others to treat me.

Life is a roller coaster there is no way to predict the ups, downs, twist and turns in life. All you can do is buckle up, hold on and follow the track.

XOXO,

Cecee

Dating…it’s so silly

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Recently one of my sweet sorority sisters has been sharing the terrors of online dating via her IG story. While it is entertaining and her commentary is the best I can’t help thinking how online dating is such a joke. Yes, I know people find their true loves this way, but this takes a lot of time and energy to do so.

I know we laugh at the Bachelor franchise when the comments of he/she is not here for the right reasons, but most on the dating apps are in that same group.

Then when you do find someone online or anywhere for that matter, who seems like a normal person and could have potential you have to overcome baggage.

Baggage can come in many forms. Mine is the divorce and feeling like I failed at marriage/ relationship.

Getting back in the dating world I’ve been so reserved in showing who I truly am for fear that I will run others off. I have over analyzed every interaction hoping I didn’t come across a certain way.

My fear has created insecurities that I have not had before and ones I thought I had overcome. Sharing my thoughts and feelings has not come easy.

Some baggage is so heavy that the person is jaded. When you become jaded the likelihood that you are ready for a relationship is slim regardless of what you say. Mindset is key here as the person needs to let go of past anger and heartbreak to allow others in. Assuming everyone is going to hurt you is not fair and shows how emotionally unavailable you are.

In relationships you take on some of your significant other’s baggage. Taking on baggage does not mean you have to let it weigh you down. One can be supportive and understanding without taking on all the stress, it’s all about mindset and boundaries.

To my friends out there balancing the dating world and those in a relationship I have a few thoughts based on my experiences.

1. Accept the impact of past relationships, but do not dwell. Take the lessons and grow from the experience.

2. Know change is constant and you need self reflection. You need self reflection to be the best you can be for yourself and your partner.

3. Set your boundaries and communicate them. Setting expectations on how you can be supportive, areas that are challenging for you as well as several other aspects will help prevent frustration.

Good luck and keep discovering who you are. Find someone who pushes you to be the best you can be and will be there to catch you when you fall.

XOXO,

Cecee

Photo Credit: Rachel

Stranger Danger 

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At what point are you no longer strangers? In talking to several friends who are either in the online dating world or have met their significant other online it is always interesting to hear how they have handled initial interactions with people.

Some have shared they have a rule of thumb of chatting for 2 weeks via apps, text, phone calls or FaceTime before meeting the person and based on the interaction will allow to their home.

I am a person who has watched entirely too many episodes of Criminal Minds and Law and Order SVU. Trusting a stranger to pick me up at my house, specifically just knowing where I lived was not ok with me. Anytime I would go on a first date I would only meet at a public space.

In addition to meeting at a public space I was overly cautious and sending certain friends a photo of the guy I was meeting, facts I knew about him and sharing my location on my iPhone with them. I would let them know when I would arrive and give them a time to check in on me if they haven’t heard from me. I know to some this may seem over the top cautious, but I would much rather be safe.

I would only trust a person to my home if I had multiple interactions and felt safe or if I had mutual friends with the person. Sadly some interactions in public were creepy.  I was even  worried for them to see my car. I may have been over the top about dating safety, but too many people are not cautious enough.

Dating can be a lot of fun, but remember to be mindful of safety and trust your gut!

XOXO,

Cecee

 

Oh Cecilia 

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You’re breaking my heart you’re shaking my confidence daily…

Great song that I often hear and the words “shaking my confidence daily” stand out. I know what I’m about to discuss has nothing to do with what the song is actually about, but it’s so fitting.

This week we celebrated International Women’s Day. My social media was flooded with positive love for fellow women while my personal inbox was attacked. This had me reflect on all the times that by simply being me, I had shaken someone’s confidence.

In high school, there is always drama. For some, that dramatic mindset never goes away. Most of the high school drama is petty and based on feelings due to poor communication, disrespect and misguided finger pointing, or possibly hormones 🤷🏼‍♀️.

As we become adults we learn to respect others from differing backgrounds and mindsets creating the opportunity to grow and learn. Sadly some are not so accepting and you can easily shake their confidence.

Then there are times in your career when based on your age and tenure with a company “you are not supposed to have that position yet, you didn’t slowly move up the ranks”.

I am Cecilia. My own confidence has shaken the confidence of others, both male and female.

I often reflect on the experiences that have shaped me and the tough, negative experiences have made me strong, resilient and overly ambitious. Those tough moments and feelings I do not wish on anyone.

The moments of love, respect , compassion and support shaped me as well and frankly those moments are the most cherished.

Showing respect and compassion while someone is yelling at you and calling you horrible names is beyond difficult, and yes, sometimes I’ve failed and snapped back. Taking the high road can be a challenge, but will provide you more peace than fighting back. I have continuously learned you cannot rationalize with the irrational, no matter the effort you put in.

Having a positive mindset, staying calm in difficult situations and not letting someone shake your confidence is hard. Regardless of the situation you find yourself in, the only thing you can control is how you react.

Life is tough and everyone has their challenges, but showing respect and compassion can make a big difference. The difference may not be how the other person handles the situation, but may just provide peace for yourself knowing you were the bigger person.

XOXO,

Cecee